Ep. 01: A Candid Conversation About Life

Dave Charest  0:02  
This is Dave,

Reese Charest  0:03  
this is Reese.

Dave Charest  0:04  
And this is Manic Joy, a podcast about...

Reese Charest  0:07  
life...

Dave Charest  0:08  
love... 

Dave and Reese  0:09  
and uncertainty.

Dave Charest  0:16  
Well, hello, hello friends and welcome to Episode One of Manic Joy. I am Dave and I am here joined once again with the lovely Reese. Hello, Reese.

Reese Charest  0:30  
Hello, Reese. I mean, hello, Dave.

Dave Charest  0:33  
So this is it. We're doing it. This is Episode One, our first full length episode. Before we even get started, I just wanted to take a minute to just say thank you to everyone who has written to us, texted us, signed up for the email list really expressed some great excitement and encouragement about this project that we're working on. So thank you to everyone. Keep it coming. We love it. We don't like attention at all.

Reese Charest  0:58  
No, I'm actually extremely shy and demure. So why leave me out of it.

Dave Charest  1:04  
Today must be the day of fancy words.

Reese Charest  1:07  
The Word of the Day calendar

Dave Charest  1:09  
Demure.

Reese Charest  1:10  
Actually, I think it was just dumb, but I made it demure.

Dave Charest  1:13  
Dumb. Mure. Dumb. Mure. Demure.

Reese Charest  1:16  
Dumb. 

Dave Charest  1:16  
Dumb shit. There we go.

Reese Charest  1:18  
Oh! 

Dave Charest  1:18  
Dumb. Mure. See what I did there? 

Reese Charest  1:19  
You said a curse word. 

Dave Charest  1:21  
Well, I did, see...Aha, I can also be explicit. 

Reese Charest  1:25  
Ah, fuck. 

Dave Charest  1:27  
Anyway, thank you to everyone. Here we go with episode one. So I suppose probably what we should do is let people in on a little bit of what we're doing. Or the format of this episode is going to be in at least these first three episodes that we know of so far. So what we're going to do is, Redese and I together came up with three questions that we're going to ask each other. We have answers for those, we each have a question that the other person does not know about. And then we asked people on our email list to send in questions on this theme of life, which is today's episode.

Reese Charest  2:02  
Got a lot of questions.

Dave Charest  2:04  
Yeah, we really did. We have actually like a total of seven. I think one of them has a couple of questions built in. So maybe eight questions to answer here today. And lots of really great questions. I think that's one of the cool things is asking people for stuff.

Reese Charest  2:18  
Well, that's because we make really smart friends.

Dave Charest  2:21  
That's...we make really smart friends?

Reese Charest  2:23  
We make them out of clay. And when they're dry and ready. Our smart friends. Shutup, Reese. 

Dave Charest  2:28  
We bring them with us everywhere. No, we've got some really great friends, and people that will be listening to the show. So again, thank you guys so much, Reese! 

Reese Charest  2:36  
Dave!

Dave Charest  2:37  
How's your day going so far?

Reese Charest  2:39  
It's really good. I lost the paper that you prepared for me for this podcast.

Dave Charest  2:44  
Excellent.

Reese Charest  2:44  
And I mean, it hasn't really been very eventful, a little low energies.

Dave Charest  2:49  
If that intro music didn't pump you up. 

Reese Charest  2:51  
I know. 

Dave Charest  2:53  
We're very excited about that intro, by the way.

Reese Charest  2:55  
Yeah. Tell us if you like that intro music. It's pretty awesome. I like it. 

Dave Charest  2:58  
Yeah, I like it, too. It's fun. Okay, so let's get through our first question. What do you think?

Reese Charest  3:02  
I think that's a great idea.

Dave Charest  3:04  
Okay. The first question that we came up with for each other is what are three experiences that define who you are? So the first was divorce. I am a product of a broken marriage. That was early on. And I think that had a lot to do with developing who I was or who I am. Who I was growing up. And I am still here, right? Thank you. (Knocks on wood)

Reese Charest  3:28  
That was my head. 

Dave Charest  3:29  
Yes. The second thing I put down was my mother and we'll unpack that a little bit. And then lastly was friends.

Reese Charest  3:39  
The show Friends?

Dave Charest  3:40  
The show Friends, yes. 

Reese Charest  3:40  
I like that show. I think I relate more with Chandler. You're more like Phoebe.

Dave Charest  3:44  
I am like Phoebe a little bit.

Reese Charest  3:45  
Because you play the guitar. 

Dave Charest  3:46  
Oh, that's why. 

Reese Charest  3:47  
And you have your phalanges. I'm sorry. 

Dave Charest  3:49  
And we have cats that stink. 

Reese Charest  3:50  
Also that. Well, no, they smell pretty good.

Dave Charest  3:55  
Just because you are in love with them does not mean they smell good.

Reese Charest  3:58  
They smell fine to me.

Dave Charest  4:01  
Divorce. Let me unpack that a little bit. As I mentioned, my parents were well, one. I mean, my parents were in high school when they were, got pregnant. I don't think the initial marriage lasted too long. But I think set me up in an interesting dynamic. Both of my parents remarried. And I visited you know, I live with my mom visited my dad on on weekends was the typical scenario. And I think for me, I really got different things from each kind of side of that equation.

Reese Charest  4:34  
I think you were really fortunate to have two great step parents. 

Dave Charest  4:39  
Well, yes, and I'll talk about that here in that. Absolutely. I agree with you 100%. And so I would say living with my mom. I got to see a certain lifestyle, certain something I don't even know what to call it...growin up. That positively, gave me a lot of independence, taught me how to kind of care for myself and, you know, be the person I am today. But also recognize fully, and is probably something I've kind of spent my whole life doing if I really, you know, unpack it, but recognizing what I didn't want in my life. Which is interesting, which leads me in when we get down to the friends issue, right, really surrounding myself with the types of environments that I want it to be with. So that's one thing there the other you mentioned stepparents, well, you know, and I'll get the stepparents in a second, let so the other thing was on the other side, my father's side of the equation, I really got to see family, and structure, and just what it was like to be in a room with people without fighting, and angst, and just great things to see and have in that experience growing up as a child and being impressionable and kind of recognizing and figuring out, you know, who I was and where I was going to go and where life was going to take me that type of thing. 

Reese Charest  6:22  
It was like one house that forced you to be independent, even though you didn't maybe necessarily want that at such a young age. And then you had another house where everybody helped each other out. 

Dave Charest  6:34  
Yeah.

Reese Charest  6:34  
 And we're there for each other. And that constituted what we normally think is what family is supposed to be about. I mean, you know, I'm sure your mother tried her best. But on the opposite end with your dad's family, they're very, like, welcoming. And yeah, there's tradition and structure. And, you know, I was also very fortunate to be able to be a part of that as well.

Dave Charest  6:58  
Yeah. So, you know, you mentioned my stepparents. So, you know, on my, living with my mother, obviously remarried, my stepdad Stan was really kind of the rock in this whole situation, you know, I'm leaving bullet two of my mother for bullet two, we'll unpack that there. My stepdad is great. He's still here, we still chat he comes to visit every every once in a while. And we have a great time, just an all around great guy that I think taught me I would say one of the things that kind of has carried through my life in this whole situation is, you know, one of the scenarios I remember, you know, anybody would say, you know, "You're a good listener, and you you're, I can see you're analyzing and taking all that stuff in," which was he was right. That's, that's what I was doing. And I think that was really great. And like I said, I was given a lot of freedom and independence on that side. Like it was like, "Hey, I want to go out." "Okay, what time are you going to be home?" "I want to be home at this time." Well, how about this time?"  Like, there was a lot of that back and forth. It wasn't like, "No, you have to do this, you have to do that." And then when it comes time, you know, I didn't get punished a lot. I was a good kid, I like to think.

Which is hilarious, because I was the opposite of my family whow were, "No, you can't go out and can't do that." And I was punished all the time.

Right. Right. And so when I was punished a lot of the times it was like, "Okay, what should your punishment be?" You know what I mean, and I had to figure out my own punishment, like that type of thing. So just really great to have him there. And provide that stability that I know, I would not have gotten and I would be a much different person if he wasn't in the picture. And then my stepmom again, on the other side, Carol, who unfortunately is not with us anymore, really on that structure family, like we all sit down to dinner, clean the table, "May I be excused?" and that type of thing. And, and I think, again, to have the balance and the contrast of those two things, I think really helped kind of put me in the middle where it wasn't an extreme on either side. And so I think that is is really, really good. Yeah, number one is divorce and just that whole situation. And where that put me was really interesting. Number two, my mother.

Reese Charest  9:14  
If it's not one thing, it's your mother mother.

Dave Charest  9:17  
Yeah. So for those of you who don't know, many of my friends do know that I'm I mean, at this point, estranged from my mother, my mother had some mental health issues, I think growing up, made it very difficult to be around. Also, just I mean, I don't want to go into a whole therapy session here necessarily. But as I mentioned, I think I look at what the positives that come out of that are and again, really made me recognize the things that I did not want to have in my life. And what's that saying? Right, "you spend your whole time trying to get away from who your parents are and not being that" and whatnot. And I'm a big believer in your life. And the things that happen in your life are things that are what are supposed to happen. And those things influence you and point you in directions and help you overcome things and teach you how to be, and how to just engage with people and learn and grow as a person, right. And so I think all of that stuff is really important. And so having that situation if I think about it led me to getting away from that, then putting myself through school, and eventually ending up and going to school in New York and living there for 15 years. And that's where we met. And that is just again, I don't know if that stuff necessarily would have happened if I didn't have the situations I was in.

Reese Charest  11:01  
And that was the luckiest thing that ever happened to you. Because then you met me...

Dave Charest  11:04  
...and then I met you. I wasn't sure where you were going that, with that, I was not sure if you were gonna say the luckiest thing that happened to you. But no fine. No, that's fine.

Reese Charest  11:11  
No, I'm but the best thing that happened to you. 

Dave Charest  11:13  
But yes, exactly. So that's number two. And then I think number three friends, not everybody is your friend. That's a term I believe in, you know, we talk to the talk about this to the girls a lot is friend is a term that gets kind of thrown around way too easily. I think there are people you know, but their only choice people that you call friends. And that's always been something that's, that's really important to me. And I mean, I mean, you see this now, I have friends to me are people that you can go away for years, many years, 15 of them, right? But much like I have, and, and not be in touch with everybody all the time. And then come back. And it's like you haven't missed a day. Right? And that's, I gonna try not to get emotional now. But like, those are the things in life that are so important to me.

Reese Charest  12:04  
When I see the type of friends that that you've made and kept you are really good at making decisions like that. Getting choice people in your life that are only going to make it better. I would say I would add friends up there for myself for something really important that you...

Dave Charest  12:21  
So what a great segue way, why don't you start there with friends? Since those were my three. So number one is for you as friends?

Reese Charest  12:26  
Um, well. So I wouldn't necessarily start with friends. But I mean, they're in there. But I would say the probably the death of my grandfather was a big thing that shaped me when I was eight or nine. So I talk about this all the time very freely now because I'm older and I get some of it now. But when I was like eight or nine, my grandfather committed suicide, I was home. It was the first time that I struggled with grief and mortality. And in that was a big thing for me. I had a pretty easy childhood. I was very spoiled, only child and I was very close to my grandfather. So I didn't understand at the time why he did what he did. I mean, like years later now like I get it, that shaped me being able to handle trauma. And I disguise a lot of my sense of humor. Normally like any of the great comedians because that's what I am. Any of the great comdedians, they all kind of disguise their trauma with comedy. With, I had a lot of messed up things happen in my childhood. But I was always able to bounce back, mainly because I saw that was my mom's father and she she bounced back and my dad bounced back and my grandmother bounced back. Like everybody was like a family again. It sucked. It was terrible. We grieved. But that kind of helped shape how I handle trauma. And then I would say after that the next thing that really shaped me was going away to the University of Buffalo. Because like I said, I was a very spoiled only child. My, I wore, I went to Catholic school. So my mom would have my uniform laid out for me in the morning, my grandmother would have my breakfast ready. Like my dad always made phone calls. When eventually when I got my car, he would do things with my car and everybody did everything for me. And then finally, when I was almost 21 I was like I'm, I can't be at home anymore. I have to do something. And so, my professor at Kingsborough Community College was like, yeah, you need to go away to school and my grades were terrible, but he got me into the University of Buffalo. And I don't take any credit for that. And I went eight hours away from Brooklyn to Buffalo. And the first two weeks were terrible. I got the flu. My roommates boyfriend sat on me because he didn't know I was sleeping on the couch and I had to wake myself up, make breakfast clean my own clothes, the first load of laundry I did I turned everything pink. 

Dave Charest  13:04  
You did that recently. 

Reese Charest  15:06  
I did. I haven't stopped doing that. It's tradition when I do laundry.

Dave Charest  15:10  
Some things never change. 

Reese Charest  15:11  
No, they have not. And so I feel like that was an eye opener for me. Because now I had to do everything on my own. And friends do come into play because I had to go and make friends on my own. And I never had to do that before. So I made some really good friends when I went away to school, and they were almost like your family away from home. And then I guess a third thing that made me who I am today would be the girls. Because I think all these things that I went through for me, it's you know, everything is a struggle. Everything's a frickin struggle. So I always look for the thing that helped me get through it. So when I got pregnant with the girls, when we found that we were pregnant, that was really exciting. But we didn't know it was girls, we thought it was just one, then we found out it was two. And then we find out that, you know, they had to come out two months early, and it was just always something. And just having them really forced me to become an adult. And to realize that I wasn't making mistakes anymore, just on myself, like, I'd have to be careful, because now I have two other little humans to, you know, live for, and do the right thing for and I had so much more to live for. And so it always makes me reflect back to my grandfather, because I was so close with him. And, you know, he was sick, and he felt like he was a burden. And that's why he did what he did. And so I definitely try to not be a burden to my girls. You know, like I want I don't know to be functional, and not not perfect, because that doesn't exist. Like there's no perfect parent, I we all make mistakes. We all have no idea of what we're doing no matter what books you read. But the girls definitely every all the choices I make are usually geared to make sure I'm doing the right thing by them. You know?

Yeah, you're doing a great job. 

If that makes sense. Thanks, babe. 

Dave Charest  17:15  
You're welcome. 

Reese Charest  17:16  
Well, I think I think you helped me a lot with that as well, because I don't think I would have gotten through half the stuff I got there if I wasn't, you know, for you. And then I the drinking is definitely because of you. No, I'm just kidding. Jokes. Jokes, my friends.

Dave Charest  17:30  
That's why I drink. Because of me.

Reese Charest  17:31  
Yes, trauma jokes. Yes.

Dave Charest  17:32  
I have to live with myself. 

Reese Charest  17:33  
Yes. Trauma... (inaudible).

Dave Charest  17:35  
And we're gonna we're gonna talk a lot about the girls in Episode Three, in certain uncertainty, because Yeah, what the hell are we doing?

Reese Charest  17:43  
We didn't know what we were doing. We still don't know what we're doing. 

Dave Charest  17:45  
Yeah. And I think that's kind of the fun of it. Right. So I think all of these things that we're talking about here today really shaped a lot of what we do and, and, and the areas we focus on with those uncertain things that we have to deal with, which is pretty cool. Alright, so Reese. Here's the second question. I'm going to start with you on this one. If you weren't where you are now, where do you think you'd be?

Reese Charest  18:09  
So I definitely think that had I not met you and moved here. And that that this whole thing didn't happen? I think I would definitely have been in Brooklyn way longer, married some type of dutdoodoo, popped out a few kids, and either ended up in Staten Island or Jersey and and I would have been like one of those Housewives of Dutdoodooland. I think I would have married a dum dum.

Dave Charest  18:42  
Well, you got me instead. Haha!

Reese Charest  18:46  
Honestly, we can make jokes about that. But I'm very lucky that things worked out the way that they did. And we found each other because I'm pretty sure some of the people that are maybe listening to this that used to date me. I'm not referring to you.

Dave Charest  19:04  
Well, they wouldn't know. Because they're dumb. Right? Like...no? 

Reese Charest  19:08  
I don't know. 

Dave Charest  19:09  
Okay, so... 

Reese Charest  19:10  
I'd be miserable. 

Dave Charest  19:11  
Well, so that so this is the note I have for myself here for this question, because I really have no idea where I would be. And let me explain that a little bit. As I was kind of talking about before, I'm very much in like experiences and things happen. Like you kind of set yourself in a direction and then everything that kind of happens along that path. Like I'm a big believer in that you lay out kind of the direction you're headed and do the things to align yourself in that way. And then the universe conspires to help you. I'm a big believer in that. Even us being here today. I think that's one of those things where we were living in Brooklyn and then we focused. We finally made a decision, "Okay, we need to do something different." "We should probably move to Massachusetts and do that." And then once we actually made the decision, everything just fell in line. Within two weeks. I had a job. We had a place to live. We had the girls out here, registered for school, you still had to finish out your semester at Kingsborough, it was all of that. But I'm a big believer in that. And so if I, if I weren't where, you know, if we weren't where you are now, like, I'm not sure where I'd be exactly, because I just, I don't I never know where I'm going to be because I just know kind of what I'm trying to achieve. And wherever that path kind of takes you. But I guess one thing as I mentioned, the miserable thing, like I think if we didn't, based on where we were at in that point of our in our lives, what this is going on nine years ago, if we weren't here, and we were still there. Yeah, we would be miserable. 

Reese Charest  20:59  
We would be divorced. 

Dave Charest  20:59  
I don't know if we'd be divorced, because I think we're very much like, we don't like that path. But we definitely would not be happy. No. I mean, I don't know, I think maybe we would have figured it out. But again, I don't know. Right? So that's where I'm like, I don't know. But I do not think I would be as content and happy with the direction that our life is at this moment in time.

Reese Charest  21:27  
I agree with that. And to go with the whole where would I be had I not met you? I wasn't really a big risk taker me going away to University of Buffalo was kind of like a big deal. And then when I came home, I was like, thank god that's over. And I don't I wouldn't have made like the big leaps and jumps. Had I not met you. You know what I mean? Like I was very content just staying in one spot. And I'm so happy that we made some of those decisions because my family, my immediate family in the house, my mother, my father, they weren't risk takers. They would talk about moving here or doing this or buying this, but they never did it because they were always afraid of what would happen. And I'm kind of glad that we don't do that. I mean, a lot of our decisions are somewhat calculated, but for the most part, they're risks. 

Dave Charest  22:19  
Yeah. But they're intentional risks. 

Reese Charest  22:21  
Yeah. 

Dave Charest  22:21  
Yeah. For sure. 

Reese Charest  22:22  
Yeah. 

Dave Charest  22:23  
Question three, if you could go back to age 13. Would there be a moment you'd do differently?

Reese Charest  22:31  
You go first. 

Dave Charest  22:32  
Okay, I'll go first. So all right. Here's another thing you need to know about me. I am horrible at timelines. I like I had to say alright, 13. So I think that puts me in eighth grade. And then I was racking my brain on eighth grade. I know here are some things I know I was in eighth grade. I was living in Tower Hill in Lawrence, Massachusetts. I was in that area is going to the Alexander B. Bruce school. I was in Mr. Sullivan's class, I believe. I don't know anything else that happened in eighth grade.

Reese Charest  23:07  
That's still a lot of detail.

Dave Charest  23:09  
Yeah, but that's the detail like I don't know, like anything. Like I know some people I remember a couple of names and a couple of things. But other than that, I was racking my brain. I'm like eighth grade. Like there are formidable things that I remember in...

Reese Charest  23:22  
I was gonna say, you don't remember like when you were 13, what is something that...?

Dave Charest  23:27  
No. Thirteen is like a blank. 

Reese Charest  23:29  
It's a blur. 

Dave Charest  23:29  
It's a blur. It's like I like aside from those specifics. Like I don't like like I remember things in fifth grade for example. I remember things in sixth grade, for example. Eighth grade...?

Reese Charest  23:42  
Wow. Eighth grade was a big deal for me. 

Dave Charest  23:44  
I have no idea. 

Reese Charest  23:45  
That's why I came up with that question. Becasue 13 was was a semi decent time a learning experience.

Dave Charest  23:53  
Well, let's hear because I got nothing.

Reese Charest  23:56  
Cuz you're usually pretty good with remembering facts and stuff.

Dave Charest  23:59  
Yeah, but I don't know where to place them on the timeline sometimes. Like that part is like difficult for like sometimes like, "What day is it? What week is it? Oh my god, it feels like it's been three months." And it's it's I mean, I mean, it was a long January for everyone. But I mean, just like a normal January feels like, "Oh my god, has this been? How long has this been?"

Reese Charest  24:17  
That's the funny thing is I don't remember... 

Dave Charest  24:19  
Everything goes by so fast. 

Reese Charest  24:20  
Well, it, everything flies by because, so it's just funny because it's like I my childhood had its ups and downs like in my house with my family and I just reunited with a couple of my cousins on Facebook. It makes me so happy because that was my childhood. Yeah, was my family like we would have a ball. I had one or two friends that I grew up with that I was super close with that I you know, and then obviously I had Ruthann, my best friend for 40 something years lived around the corner from me. We spent our holidays together. So you know, like those things were really important to me, but when I think of like the age where started to become real, I think I think of when I was 13 in eighth grade, because that was the first time a boy asked me out. And that was a big deal. Yeah, this will be fun for everybody to hear to. That's when I got my period. Hey, oh, and here's a great story I like I like to tell. We were in Wildwood New Jersey. And I was with my family. We went there every summer. And so I, one of the friends of the family had asked me that day at the beach, "Hey, you want to go on the boardwalk tonight and walk around and do some stuff?" and I was like, "Okay." Because it was a boy. And I was so excited. I was like, boy, crazy. When I was 13. I was like, "Okay." So I'm taking a bath, and I'm shaving my legs could be a big day. And I was like, "Oh, we nicked myself." I was like, "Ooh, that's a lot of blood." And I'm like, "Oh my God, that's not coming from my leg." And then I'm like, "Ah!" in the bathroom. And so my dad comes in. So now I'm screaming. And now he's screaming. And first, he's screaming, because I don't have clothes on. And then he's screaming because there's blood. And he's like, "Oh, my god, she's dying." And then my grandmother comes. And then she's like, "Ah," cursing up a storm. And then I'm like screaming because now both of them are seeing me naked in the bathroom, and there's blood everywhere. And then my mother comes in with a cigarette in her hand pushes him out of the way. And she's like, "Oh, she's just got her period, everybody get out." And I was like, "What!?!" So that's when I was 13.

Dave Charest  26:32  
Excellent. 

Reese Charest  26:33  
That's what I remember specifically because that, that was mortifying and horrible. But then I remember the other side of that, of being asked out by a boy at school, who I really, really liked. And that was also monumental to me because a boy liked me. And then there was the awkward stuff, like my whole entire family being in the bathroom. While I have no clothes on and I just got my period. So these things stuck with me. And so if I had to go back and change anything when I was 13, I would definitely say to lock the bathroom door.

Dave Charest  27:11  
That's the moment you'd do differently. "I would have locked the bathroom door." That's amazing.

Reese Charest  27:21  
That's the moral of that story. 

Dave Charest  27:23  
Excellent. 

Reese Charest  27:24  
Okay.

Dave Charest  27:24  
This is the surprise question that we have for each other. Do you want to go first? 

Reese Charest  27:28  
Sure. 

Dave Charest  27:29  
Okay, what is your question? 

Reese Charest  27:30  
Okay. If you could have any superpower, ever? 

Dave Charest  27:35  
Yep. 

Reese Charest  27:36  
Any superpower, it could be whatever it is, you can make something up or it can be like a Marvel character, whatever. What would it be? 

Dave Charest  27:43  
Okay, I think I know this, like right off the bat, because it's one of those things that I think everybody wishes for, like just growing up and being through life. But I would say the power to teleport, and just be wherever you want it to be at a moment's notice. You remember growing up and being in love and talking on the phone and being like, I wish I could be there and like those, like just that. And I mean, even today when I'm traveling for work, and sometimes it's a it's a long flight, and like, I just want to be back home here with you guys. Like, things like that, that whole thing would be that would definitely be the superpower that I would would want to have. Because I think, yeah, I just the ability to just be where you want it to be at a moment's notice is awesome. 

Reese Charest  27:43  
I love that. That's good answer.

Dave Charest  28:24  
Do you want to answer that? 

Reese Charest  28:31  
No. You give me your question. 

Dave Charest  28:33  
So my question, is not one that I came up with. Points for you if you can guess where this question comes from. And if you can't, if somebody else listening can tell us where it's from. We'll figure out some way to celebrate that. But the question is, if heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say, when you arrive at the pearly gates?

Reese Charest  28:55  
That...this definitely seems very familiar. What the heck is that from? Well, my gonna guess it but it definitely sounds familiar. Okay, that I'm, I'm hilarious. And I cracked him up several times. And I made him happy.

Dave Charest  29:10  
"That time in the bathroom with your period."

Reese Charest  29:12  
Yep. He was like, "That's why I made you not lock the door."

Dave Charest  29:17  
"Why didn't you lock the door?"

Reese Charest  29:18  
That's right. "That's why I made you real dumb and not locked the door ever." And thanks, God. You're awesome.

Dave Charest  29:27  
We've got some audience questions here now.

Reese Charest  29:30  
Okay. 

Dave Charest  29:30  
Are we ready?

Reese Charest  29:31  
I'm ready. 

Dave Charest  29:31  
All right, this first question comes here from Mike. And Mike says, "One of the best things I found in life is focusing on things that I can control versus the things I can't. But that's hard. What are some ways to improve this focus?"

Reese Charest  29:49  
Right. So, and I've actually had this conversation with Mike. Yep. So Mike got me into the whole stoic philosophy thing which has really been putting things in perspective, and it's about controlling the things that you can control. And there's some things you can't. And then there's 50/50, some things, you can control what you can't control. One thing I try to focus on now, after doing a lot of reading with the stoic philosophy is, there's so many things that are beyond our control. So it's not worth focusing on, like, what's going to happen next week. So what I like to focus on is in the present happening in the moment. So that could be something I'm working on controlling what I say, like telling period stories in a podcast where I know several people are going to be listening, I could have controlled that, but I didn't. But just in the moment, like, how I feel the mood I'm in is someone doing something that's going to upset me, I have the complete control and power to change whether or not that person's going to affect my day and put me in a bad mood. I'm in control of my mood.

Dave Charest  31:03  
Yeah, I would say one of the things for me is, you have to make decisions. I think life is really about a series of decisions that you make. And I equated a lot to like poker, right? Like the the poker players are playing a long game, it's, you're playing odds over time. And so it's not just one moment, it's not just one hand, it's a series of hands, it's multiple hands over the long term. And if you make more good decisions, then you make bad decisions, like you come out on top, you win mone.y In choosing the things to focus on, you have to make the decisions on the things that you're not going to focus on. And again, I'm not saying it's easy.

Reese Charest  31:43  
No, that's the most important thing is not to focus on things, one that you can't control, not to focus on things that are gonna make you sad or unhappy. And not to focus on things that they're so beyond your control, there's really nothing you could do about it. We're all gonna die. You can't stop that. Yeah. But you can control how you live every day and make decisions that make you happy. 

Dave Charest  32:06  
You know, it's funny that you say that. I think that's actually, you know, that whole death thing is that that's not the one thing too like, in life that I'm like, not afraid of. Because it's like, that's the it's so funny that so many people are afraid of it too, because it's like, it's the only thing in life we know that for certain is going to happen. Definitely. We're going to die. That's it. Everything else in between being born and dying is who the hell knows. 

Reese Charest  32:32  
Right.

Dave Charest  32:32  
And that, to me is a lot scarier than anything that has to do with dying.  

Reese Charest  32:38  
Well I think we're so busy and so focused on other things that we don't really think about it every day. And I think the only time that it comes up for me is like, with like Kobe, like Kobe dying. That was like a reminder about mortality. He was in the prime of his life, and he had his daughter, and that really affected me. Not that I was a big, I didn't hate Kobe. But it made me sad that that happened. And it was like there, he was just going off to do what he thought he was going to do that day. And then it didn't happen. And then for a couple of days, it really, really affected me in a strong way. But then I was like, "Well, I have my kids, I got to get over that. And I can't dwell and be sad." So I think it's just controlling what you can control in the in the moment. You know, I think also making good decisions for the long run. 

Dave Charest  32:39  
Yeah, how to plan...

Reese Charest  32:41  
 You have to think about consequences to your actions. But I also think, just focusing on what's immediately in front of you also helps. 

Dave Charest  33:36  
Alright, here's a question from Bill. And Bill asks, "If you didn't know, you'd have the unbelievable kids you have now. Would you have kids at all?" The short answer for me is yes. It's one of those things. Again, it's a level of uncertainty, which is why we're kind of saving that discussion for that episode. But there are so many unknowns in that whole scenario that we were blessed with having healthy kids. And then I don't like to say lucky because we put a lot of hard work into developing them into the people that they are today.

Reese Charest  34:11  
That did not happen by chance.  

Dave Charest  34:13  
No, not at all. I can't imagine if we were together that we wouldn't have eventually had kids. I think we didn't plan to have kids when we did. Things happen the way they're supposed to happen. And what a great time you were, you're amazing pregnant. You were like, you were like a goddess when you were pregnant. 

Reese Charest  34:33  
My hair was awesome. My skin was awesome. I'd have my bagel on the side of the bed. I knew what I wanted to eat. It was a good time. It was a good time. 

Dave Charest  34:44  
So much fun. And also, yes. Thank you, Bill. I also agree I think we do have some unbelievable kids. So thank you for for mentioning that. Um, so I mean, yes...

Reese Charest  34:54  
I would say no because it depends on who I was with. If I wasn't very calculated with who I would think about having children with I didn't mind the relationships I had. And even though I knew that they were some that might not last, but I would think is this someone that I would want to have children with? And I think that was a big factor. And if I didn't find you, and there really wasn't anything else, I would have about 15 cats.

Dave Charest  35:19  
You, that would definitely be the case. 

Reese Charest  35:22  
And... 

Dave Charest  35:22  
I think we're close to that. 

Reese Charest  35:23  
...a chameleon.

Dave Charest  35:24  
Yes. So 15 cats and a chameleon? 

Reese Charest  35:26  
Yeah. 

Dave Charest  35:27  
Excellent. Here's a question from Tanya, "If you could pick one thing in your formative years that had the most impact on who you are now? What would it be good or bad?"

Reese Charest  35:39  
You go first.

Dave Charest  35:41  
My mother. 

Reese Charest  35:42  
Is your mom? 

Dave Charest  35:43  
Yeah. And I think again, I think bad situation, but good outcome. 

Reese Charest  35:47  
Yeah. I would say that I'm not saying that I didn't love anybody more than the other. But I was pretty partial to my dad all the times. I thought he was making up songs. I thought he made up the songs for me. He would sing, "Risi Rose superstar," I was like "Oh my god, he made the song for me!" Yeah, no, he did not do that. But he used to do all these great things and do all these things for me. But he also taught me so many things that I still use today to help me focus he really put it in my head that I didn't need anybody that I could be independent, that I could be a strong female that I didn't need a boyfriend or anybody. Some of his classic lines were, "Think, Bernardo. Think." And then he would like tap himself on the head whenever I would say or do something stupid. Bernardo was my maiden name by the way. He would always tell me to be diplomatic, even though you might not agree with what someone is telling you. You don't always have to be right. You just have to be diplomatic, like little things like that. And always taking care of your car.

Dave Charest  36:56  
Sage advice. 

Reese Charest  36:56  
Sage advice from JB. 

Dave Charest  36:59  
I mean we're riding on a 2006 Honda Odyssey. I mean...

Reese Charest  37:03  
It's still going.

Dave Charest  37:04  
I know. It's awesome. I love that car. 

Reese Charest  37:05  
Because we take care of our car. 

Dave Charest  37:06  
We're getting you a new car soon, which is good. Okay, here's, we got two questions here from Michael. The first of which is, "If you could have lunch with anyone dead or alive, who would it be? And why?" 

Reese Charest  37:06  
Two people?

Dave Charest  37:07  
 No.  One, we have two questions about this is one person. 

Reese Charest  37:17  
If we can have dinner with one...I love this question all the time. And it's a difficult one to answer. But just because we watched and it's fresh in my head, just because we watched.

Dave Charest  37:34  
I know who you're going to say.  

Reese Charest  37:34  
Yeah. Good Will Hunting. I would have to say Robin Williams. I'm gonna cry. Just...

Dave Charest  37:39  
That's a good one. I know. I'm getting like...

Reese Charest  37:41  
Yep. I wouldn't even want to go out to like a formal dinner. I'd want to sit at a bar. And just hear what he has to say because I admire him so much. I think also because he had so much sadness, and you would never know. You know what I mean? Like he does what I do, like you hide the trauma and you just try to make people happy. And by making people happy and having them laugh, and feel good around you. Kind of makes up a little bit like a little band aid that kind of makes up for some of the trauma you feel. So Robin Williams. Absolutely. 

Dave Charest  38:13  
Excellent. This is gonna come as no surprise to anyone but Bono. 

Reese Charest  38:17  
I know. 

Dave Charest  38:18  
I mean, come on. Most people listening know that Reese and I are huge U2 fans. We had the pleasure of meeting The Edge at one time, randomly in New York City, which was an amazing experience. 

Reese Charest  38:31  
My face melted off.  

Dave Charest  38:32  
Oh, it was so great. Just great people. I remember being a freshman in college, UMass Amherst. Had an RA that was a big U2 fan as well. And she had these old cassette tapes. Ha, cassette tapes. Old cassette tapes of like bootleg recordings of U2 live when they were like 16. And... 

Reese Charest  38:57  
They sounded like crap. 

Dave Charest  38:58  
Bono sounded like he was killing a cat sound like that's what his voice sounded like. And I was like, "Whoa," and this was what in the 90s, right? Like, this is 92-93. And that's like, Achtung Baby. Joshua Tree came out already. Achtung Baby came out. And this is a guy that I'm like, has one of the most what I would say is one of the best voices in rock'n'roll history. Sounded like killing a cat. 

Reese Charest  39:27  
God it was worse than that. 

Dave Charest  39:28  
And that really flipped the switch for me... 

Reese Charest  39:32  
Because he was trying to be someone he wasn't.

Well, I mean, growing into yourself, right? But it made me say like, "Wait, this is what he sounded like? And this is what he sounds like now?" And the ethos of that band was always to be kind of like the biggest band and be the best they could be and they didn't want to be a starving artist. They were always going to be something and that is something that always stuck with me that ethos. And yeah, I mean, that's the reason why I was like, "Alright, I'm gonna start singing." Like, I I Never could sing. But I was like, "I'm going to keep at it. I'm going to practice." I was playing bass guitar. I started doing that. And I would write, but I could never really sing. And I mean, I think I can carry a tune these days. And I can sing and, and do that. And I think that, just that ethos in every area of my life, Bono and the band as a whole, are people that aren't just spouting things, but they do things, they try to make an impact that I respect everything he's trying to do, that he does, because it's not somebody complaining about somebody or something. It's somebody trying to make a difference. And anything I do, or anywhere I am that confidence, I always say that their story makes me feel like I can do anything. And I would just love to...

Yeah. I agree with that. 

Dave Charest  40:48  
Because they're, I feel like they're very normal people. 

Reese Charest  40:50  
And he would talk your ear off. 

Dave Charest  40:52  
And I would love that. And I think it would be an amazing conversation.

Reese Charest  40:55  
It would be yeah. What's the other question?

Dave Charest  40:56  
The other question is, "In one word, give an adjective that best describes your life, spouse, and job. So three separate words. Words," is how Michael wrote it there. So three separate word, words. So and I think this would be fun. I don't want to unpack this one. Let's just give it the words. And then I think maybe we can kind of write a blog post or something and we can talk through each of these and give a little bit more. Oh, no, we're doing fine. Ready? One word, adjective that best describes your life...

Life. I don't want to say the word adventurous because like, right, right now, my life has so many twists and turns. And I always end up someplace cool. So I don't want to say adventurous, but it kind of feels like an adventure right now. Like, I have all these great experiences kind of just popping up and I'm just... 

Intentional. 

Reese Charest  41:46  
That's funny. I'm off on an adventure. And you're...

Dave Charest  41:49  
Again, path. The things that happen on that path are you don't know, right? Spouse? 

Reese Charest  41:54  
Spouse. A word that describes my spouse?

Dave Charest  41:59  
The moment we're all waiting for.

Reese Charest  42:00  
I know. I would say charming.

Dave Charest  42:02  
Aww.

Reese Charest  42:03  
 My husband is charming.

Dave Charest  42:05  
You know, I was voted most charming in high school. For me, perfect. 

Reese Charest  42:11  
Oh, you and your ways. 

Dave Charest  42:13  
And I'll unpack that in a blog post, but...so job is the last one. I want to, well for me, I'll switch it. You can decide whether you want to switch it or not. But I don't want to say job. Because I don't have jobs now. I have a career now. And I think they're different. And so I want to say career for my one word, but you can make that decision.

Reese Charest  42:36  
Well, right now as far as being a teacher, it's my, it's, I would use the word favorite. I love teaching. I love what I do. And it's not just teaching. There's so much more to it. So I would say "favorite" would be a word. It's my favorite thing right now.

Dave Charest  42:54  
So career for me, my word is unfinished. I'll leave it at that. Question number five comes from Joanne, "If you had to choose a different career, what would it be?" It's raining outside... 

Reese Charest  43:09  
...it is raining outside... 

Dave Charest  43:10  
..iIf you hear those raindrops... 

Reese Charest  43:11  
I have to go to the bathroom and the rain is not helping me forget it. You know, it's still something I could do. Two things that I that I would like to do. But I could still do while I still have the career I have, but I really would have loved to have been like a stand up comedian. Or like a published writer, like have a serious like a JK Rowling type of series or something like that. I think... 

Dave Charest  43:41  
...some things to put on the list.

Reese Charest  43:42  
Well, it's because you know, it's, I love I love that creative aspect of both of those things. And they, you know, again, are things I like making people happy I keep every time I keep censoring myself because we just watched the Taylor Swift Miss Americana thing. And her throughout the whole bio made me so sad because all she kept saying was she just wanted to be good. And she just wanted to make other people happy. And so now, ever since watching that I'm like editing myself, because that's kind of how I feel. Not that I'm comparing myself to Taylor Swift. But I know that feeling of trying to make other people happy. And that makes me happy.

Dave Charest  44:27  
And I yeah, I'm with you. Because I mean, I think again, coming from my situation. One of the things that I always just wanted to have around was I wanted everyone to be having fun, laughter, and just feeling good.

Reese Charest  44:39  
Yeah. So what other job would you have?

Dave Charest  44:41  
Oh, so mine is easy. And I would say a late night talk show host.

Reese Charest  44:45  
Oh, my god. You would...

Dave Charest  44:46  
For sure. 

Reese Charest  44:47  
You would kill that. That would be perfect. 

Dave Charest  44:50  
That's you know, and I look for opportunities to do things like that. I mean, this podcast, for example, things I do as part of my career, my speaking and all of that, like those are all things that I, yeah, I love. I love an audience and I love that whole thing. So that no doubt. Alright, here's a question from Erik, "If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? 

Do you have an answer to that right away? 

I do. I'm not a person to want to change things necessarily. But to answer this question, if I had to change one thing about myself, are you ready for it? Moobs? I wouldn't mind... 

Reese Charest  45:31  
Let's clarify that. Dave said...

Dave and Reese  45:34  
Moobs. 

Dave Charest  45:36  
I have a bit of a manboob. At the current moment, that is decreasing. And I think Reese is dead. That yeah, I could I could do with a little less on the moob side of things.

Reese Charest  45:55  
Moobs. It's did was not expecting that at all. 

Dave Charest  46:00  
Okay, your turn.

Reese Charest  46:00  
Moobs. Well, I'm always working on myself. There's definitely, I think I've come a long way with my temper. I used to be pretty easily agitated, and then would let people know that. So I so I'm constantly working on something, some of those things, just, you know, as far as how angry I get at things, but I think if I could change one thing, aesthetically, I to quote the song, I wish I was a little bit taller, and don't wish you know, I was a baller or a brawler, whatever the other line that rhymes with taller, but I definitely wish that I had a little bit more height, at least if I hit the five foot area, I would I think I would feel much better about myself, which is why I often wear platform shoes when I should not be wearing them.

Dave Charest  46:54  
So last question here comes from Ginette. And I think a great question to end on. But if you had to bring it down to just one thing, what do you suppose makes relationships work?

Reese Charest  47:07  
That's a good one. What do you think, babe? 

Dave Charest  47:11  
Communication.

Reese Charest  47:14  
So I'm going to not be original and go with that too. Because without communication, we would not be where we are. 

Dave Charest  47:22  
Yeah, I think so many people spend so much time in their own head. That I always, you know, I say this to you all the time. I'm like, "Whatever's going on in your  head or whatever is usually, so far away from what is actually going on, and 10 times worse, or 10 times better. Like it's so based in not reality."

Reese Charest  47:45  
That's what I said with my anger, I would get mad at Dave for something that he'd have no idea what he did. And then I would just assume that he would know why I was mad. And then I wouldn't tell him and then I would stay mad. Communication could have solved that pretty easily. And we've gotten better at that.

Dave Charest  48:02  
Yeah. And I think I actually, I think we do a really good job at that these days anyway. And I think we've learned that, like, we've grown into that. And I think it's great. And so I appreciate that about us. But I think it's the same for relationships, you know, friendships or relationships at work, for example, like people on my team, I'm always like, "Listen, you need to communicate, I need to know how you're doing what you're feeling, let me know what's going on. So I can make sure that we're on the same page where we're addressing things that we need to address. But I want to also and I will be honest with you and give you feedback. But I also want feedback from you. And let me know how I can help you better," right. And I think that builds a strong team that people that come in that want to work in and have fun doing it. And I think that's just communication with relationships in general is just the secret if we were to call it a secret, that's the secret. 

Reese Charest  48:50  
I do the same thing with my students too. And the other day, my student missed his speech, and didn't come and talk to me throughout the whole class taught the class did everything I had to do. And at the end of class, he goes, "I was ready to do my speech." And I'm like, "Well, how would I know that? If you didn't tell me?" I was like, "Just because I'm the size of Yoda doesn't mean I am Yoda. I cannot know what's going on in your brain? And that's telling my students that too. I don't know, what is affecting you. I don't know that something's happening at home. And this is why you're not doing your work. So I make communication, a big deal, because I do teach you communication, but I'm a strong advocate of it. And I think because it's worked so well in our relationship. I'm gonna say communication. 100%

Dave Charest  49:38  
Everyone, thank you so much for those questions. Great questions. Reese. 

Reese Charest  49:42  
Dave. 

Dave Charest  49:43  
Episode one. 

Reese Charest  49:44  
We did it.

Dave Charest  49:45  
We did it.

Reese Charest  49:46  
Great, because I really have to go to the bathroom.

Dave Charest  49:48  
Yes. So you'll have a chance to pee in a moment. I just want to wrap this up. Thank you to everyone who sent in their questions. Obviously, those questions and engagements that you sent to us helped make this work. If you are are not on our email list. We'll include a link in the show notes, please make sure to join that because that's how you get to send these questions in. Our email list is very important to us. And we have a lot of cool things that we do with you guys on how to get you guys involved. A big thank you to everyone who has already left a review of Manic Joy. If you enjoyed this episode, please leave a review for us. Give us a rating. Share this podcast with your friends because all of those things help our podcast get noticed and get more listeners in. So thank you in advance for that. Let us know what you think we're always open to your feedback. And with that, thank you for listening today. We can't wait to talk to you next time. And remember friends life is a group project, be kind to each other. 

Reese Charest  50:47  
Word. Bye.